


Too Much Info

by Dangerously_Demonic



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Crack Relationships, I'm Not Ashamed, Kinda, M/M, Porn Parody, deranged cackling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 11:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13270503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangerously_Demonic/pseuds/Dangerously_Demonic
Summary: Ben's day gets absolutely ruined by the knowledge of the existence of a First Order porn parody series.





	Too Much Info

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sorry. This is why FeralCreed and I should never be allowed to be in the same chat together unsupervised.
> 
> ilubby.

The house was quiet, save for the pattering of rain on the roof, leading to a rather calm atmosphere. Unfortunately, the same rain was why Ben was currently flopped out on the couch with his datapad in hand. Between the rain and cooler temperatures, training just wasn’t going to happen. Ben was perfectly fine with this notion; he’d fallen on his head enough times during the course of the week to last a lifetime. As it was, he was quite content in flipping through a library of mechanical schematics he’d found.

Off to his right, Clayton was lounging in his hammock, doing much the same thing. Although, Ben wasn’t entirely sure what the elder force user was looking at. Especially when the other man broke the silence with sudden snickering. He glanced over, but when nothing was said, assumed that Clayton had simply found something funny and went back to his own datapad. That’s when Clayton broke the silence.

“Hey. Ben. Did you know that there’s a company that does porn parody holovideos of the First Order?”

That wasn’t exactly something that Ben had ever thought he’d hear and he peeked over his datapad, unsure if Clayton was joking or not. The wide, mischievous grin the other man had told him that it was likely true. Before he could speak, Clayton continued.

“It’s called ‘The Fuck Order’ and it’s got parodies of everyone. A genderbent Snoke as Supreme Temptress Snatch, Captain Pussy, General Fux, and….Schlonglo Ten.”

Ben could only make a vaguely horrified noise and stammer something out. It wasn’t everyday you found out that there were porn parodies of yourself. Quite honestly, he didn’t want to know anymore. Sitting up, he gave Clayton a slight glare.

“I think that’s more than I ever wanted to know.”

He received a shit eating grin in return and Ben immediately knew that things were about to get so, so much worse. Clayton’s eyes dropped back down to his datapad, but the grin never faded.

“There’s a few videos for everyone, but General Fux is the most common, especially a series called ‘The Adventures of General Fux’. Which is basically him being a bottom bitch to everything in the known galaxy. Here’s one ‘The Adventures of General Fux on Planet Erectus: In an attempt to escape the insatiable Twi’leks of Clitis 69, General Fux crash lands on the planet Erectus, populated solely by Trandoshians with massive cocks’.” It was clear that Clayton was deriving too much amusement from torturing Ben with this unwanted information.

By this point, Ben had an expression of muted horror on his face. “That’s definitely more than I ever wanted to know. Please stop.”

“Naw, it gets _better_. Schlonglo Ten is pretty popular too. Basically, in how he spreads the control of the Fuck Order by fucking populations into submission with his—” Clayton was abruptly cut off by Ben’s sudden sound of horror. This only served to make the elder force user cackle and hold the datapad out of Ben’s reach.

“Oh, but here’s the best part. There’s a two-episode cross over where General Fux meets Schlonglo Ten called ‘Battle of the Sabers’. Part one goes ‘General Fux has finally encountered the Fuck Order’s sexual champion, Schlonglo Ten. Will his ass survive the brutal punishment of Schlonglo’s massive saber?’. Part two is even better.” At this point, Clayton had to pause to cackle. This was at both the description of the second episode and Ben’s beet red face.

“Okay, part two is hilarious. ‘After withstanding the punishment of Schlonglo’s massive schlong, General Fux flips the tables on Schlonglo and gives the Fuck Order’s leader a taste of his own saber in this climatic conclusion’.” At this point, Clayton had simply devolved into madly cackling, which only got worse at Ben’s screech and subsequent fleeing to his bedroom.

A few moments later the force ghost of Obi-Wan appeared next to Clayton, and gave the man a disapproving look, “I think you traumatized him.”

Clayton shot Obi an award-winning smile, “Probably, but what’s the point of having an apprentice if you can’t torture them once in a while? Besides. Ben can be a little shit and it’s my revenge.”

Kenobi could only shake his head.


End file.
